In case you hadn't noticed, this weekend has been an eventful one. The Premier League season is over and it went out with a bang. I was told reliably last night by Messrs Linker, Shearer and Hanson that the table shifted no less than 14 times in the course of the final and simultaneous 90 minutes.
But nothing was to prepare us for a whirlwind Fantasy Premier League season. The Mighty Biteback league has played host to the good the bad and the ugly. Mainly the ugly. Above is the final table - if it's not clear, click it and all will be better.
You'll note that Assistant Editor of Biteback Publishing, Hollie Teague is crowned champ. But - and despite her every effort to secure a last minute gagging order - I can reveal that it hasn't always been thus. Humble as she may seem now I distinctly remember a text one Sunday to the tune of: 'I may cry, you have overtaken me. Don't gloat tomorrow.'
Would I? Nevah!
Quiet, kept I. I didn't revel in my impending victory. I even offered a cuddle to my begrudging foe. My offer of squidgy comfort was declined.
What happens two weeks later when Maxi Rodriguez smashes 3 goals past Mark Schwartzer and he's her captain? I'll tell you what happens. No offer of squidge. That's what. Nada. Bad winner - BAD!
I'm over it though - clearly.
I daren't mention to the bossmen that their teams are mere shadows of those of their lady subordinates. Teams Teague and Scholes aka Gird Your Loins! - something they're used to now - reign supreme. Sales and Marketing Director James Stephen's team, Dynamo Catford, lingers unconvincingly in 5th place and Iain Dale's Biters loiter at the bottom of the table. Needless-to-say Iain's Biters will be relegated and forbidden from competing next season in the Mighty league until they can once more prove their worth, a reflection perhaps of how the Hammers have fallen.
Nah, not really. You can play again next season Big Cheese. But not because I don't have the authoritah to exclude you. No, it's because I have the fear.
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