Today at Biteback it all got a bit friendly. There was love in the air and happiness EVEYRWHERE. You see, it’s Press Officer, Ella’s, birthday today. We do the usual birthday celebrations here at Biteback. There’s cake. Everyone sings happy birthday and tries not to look at each other. But today it was as if... as if we actually all LIKED each other. There were flowers, TWO CAKES, tweets which conveyed warm emotions and Ella even received an Oyster Card as a present. Can you believe what you’re hearing? Eventually one of us couldn’t take the weird, friendly atmosphere anymore. Something simply had to be done. This is our story...
‘Hello, Gorgeous!’ said Ella, walking into the office. Everyone looked up, surprised. Usually Ella was more into Fighting Bulls than Distilling The Frenzy.
The atmosphere was tense.
‘This situation is odd’, thought Katy. ‘I’m going to turn it Inside Out and ensure that A State of War Exists once more’.
‘Ella’, she said, ‘talking to you is like Talking To A Brick Wall’.
The room was shocked into silence. Eventually Nam found the courage to speak:
‘Katy, If you can’t say anything nice, say it in Yiddish’.
‘I agree, Nam’, said Lewis, his confidence having gained. ‘That’s Why I’m Right and Everyone Else is Wrong’.
‘Oh really? Well I don’t Trust your opinion’, said Jess. ‘If you want to be Inside The Danger Zones of Biteback, you’ve got to be tough’.
‘These are the most Dishonourable Insults I’ve ever heard!’, roared Sam.
‘That’s because you’ve got Failing Intelligence’, quipped Suzanne.
‘Order! Order!’, boomed Ella. The room went silent. No one had ever seen Ella this angry before. ‘This War is a Lie’ she continued, ‘and I won’t stand for it. This isn’t us. We’ve all become Anonymous Soldiers, fighting an anonymous war. Enough with the Hate’.
‘Ella’, said James. ‘That is one of The 1000 Wisest Things Ever Said. You truly are Speaking to Lead’.
‘It just goes to show’, observed Jeremy, ‘that Under Every Leaf you’ll find a good’un’.
‘Well, what can I say?’, said Ella. ‘That was One From The Hart. Let us declare this The End of Politics in our office!’
‘Fine’, said Katy. ‘I Surrender’.
‘I am King here’, said Iain, ‘and I formally declare a state of Peace, Reform and Liberation’.
‘We have been Lost and Found', said Hollie 'and now here we stand, united, once more'.