Try and think of a strange, weird thing that’s ever happened to you. I’ll start. When I was at university our landlord failed to maintain a house which actually had fully formed walls. As a result I came home one day to see a rat eating a half defrosted chicken breast on the kitchen surface, which I, personally, find really enjoyable. Said landlord subsequently stuffed the hole in the wall with foam, which the rats ate through, because – and this may surprise you – foam is not actually a sufficient guard against rodents. Landlord then decided to locate the rat’s nest in the garden and mow at it with a lawnmower. And that was his solution. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever watched, silently, from your bedroom window whilst a strange man tries to drive a lawnmower into a rats nest, but let me tell you. It’s a sight you will never forget. The next day he replaced our old bedroom doors and started a bonfire in the garden with them, which is apparently another deterrent to rodents. News to me, but there we go.
Now. This story does not involve rats but it does involve stationary and picnic blankets. But they don’t sound NEARLY as bad as rats, I hear you cry. Well no, they’re not. But in this situation, I’ve decided that they are as random.
The other day we placed a stationery order. Horace, at the other end of the phone, was perfectly friendly. I ordered the necessary stationery and, just as I was about to hang up, Horace said ‘great, your order will arrive tomorrow, along with half a dozen complimentary picnic blankets, OK bye’.
OK.
GREAT.
Perhaps I heard him wrong, I thought. Maybe he said ‘half a dozen complimentary fluffy pens’. No. They’re not that easily confused. Anyway, the blankets arrived yesterday, to much excitement, and here is one, modelled by our intern, Claire.
Picnic blankets have many uses. You can sit on them, lie on them, lounge on them, READ BOOKS ON THEM. For example, whilst sitting on a picnic blanket, you could read one of our new titles, such as Being British: What’s Wrong With It?, or In The Corridors of Power, by David Lipsey. Maybe you could experience some great speeches, as Claire is doing here, as she browses John Shosky’s The Words Of Our Time. Most people eat picnics outside, where there are leaves, so perhaps you’d like to read William Beaver’s Under Every Leaf? These are just suggestions, of course.
Anyway. I'm off to go and sit on my very own picnic blanket. Now what shall I read? Whatever Next?, by Earl Ferrers? Bodyguard, by Craig Summers? Whatever it is, make it a Biteback book.